My Refuge

I'm clinging on to God. No matter what happens. I will not run away. I will not doubt Him. He will help me through.


Matthew 6:33

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

That's exactly what i'm going to do.

I need Him. More than anything.

=)

Get a Life!

I came across a new TV program ' street Hollywood' a few days ago. Basically, it shows you how the annoying paparazzi ambush those poor celebs. They showed a few clips like how they ambush Jessica Alba and etc. However, i was quite livid when they showed one clip on the richest celeb who is under 25, Ashley Olsen. This is what happened :

A whole bunch of guy papa. crowding around Ashley's car waiting for her to get in. When she started walking towards her car, all the reporters started snapping photos of hers. One reporter then shouted: " You dress just like your sister." They are, of course, referring to Mary-Kate. I didn't feel comfortable when i heard that knowing that both of them have different fashion sense. Then the next ques came. " Who's thinner? You or your sister?" I was really pissed when i heard that. How could they be so cruel? They purposely bring out the weight issue knowing very well that Mary-Kate suffers from eating disorder. Unfortunately, this is not the end. When Ash was about to get in the car, of them commented: "You look HORRIBLE!" and they started laughing among themselves.

After hearing all these, all i could say is 'Oh dear!' No one would like to be compared their sisters. Not even twins. No one is ever duplicated in every detail. Do all the fame and glamour worth all these? I wonder. Hmm.. what could have going through Ash's mind when she heard all those? Would she actually look into the mirror and questions herself as well? No wonder celebs are under such great pressure. Hope she's strong enough to withstand all those criticism. If only the world shows more kindness. If only..

Just a little more understanding

After keeping almost a month of silence, i think it's time to finally talk about it. To give my account of the issue.

I cannot say that those three months weren't happy at all. We had our blissful moments. But every relationship has its own set of problems. Problems that third parties cannot understand and will never understand. Many asked me about the reason of breaking up. I will now tell you. I don't feel the way he feels for me and my priority is not in relationship. Why then did you accept him in the first place? Many continue with this question. I was just merely giving that relationship and myself a chance. Is that wrong in any sense? i don't think so. But things just didn't work out the way we thought.

I never thought that it will end so fast. Just 3 months and it's gone. I dare say that i did try to work things out. i tried to sacrifice more. I tried until the point that i cannot take it anymore. You might think that i am cruel but believe me i did try very hard. But i can't fool myself or him. I can't go on pretending that things will work out themselves. We were both suffering in that relationship. It is unfair for the both of us. Why go on in that case?

I am not trying to gain sympathy by blogging all these. I'm just wanna give my account of this issue. I loathe explaining to people about it and later see them giving me the accusing look. I just wish people will just listen and not judge this issue. You can give me support and consolation but nothing more than that. Don't blame only me for whatever that had happened for relationship is a two way thing.

I may look like i am taking it very easily but trust me, i am not. Not because i regretted breaking up but because of the effect of the relationship. I felt like i did the right choice. but why does it feel so hard? I didn't make my decision hastily. i seeked advice from my close friends. I am fully aware of the consequences. One of them is losing some of my friends. I thought i might be able to handle it but it's harder than i thought. I am rather angry that he left me to face all this issue alone. He might be sad and all but he doesn't have to face our friends, doesn't have to explain.

No one really knows what happened between us. What he did had shaken me. No one can understand the fear i am having. Even i can't explain it myself. I believe there's a day that we can reconcile, to be friends again. But i just can't bring myself to do it just yet. I believe God has a pan for this too. I believe we both learnt something for this relationship and it's not something that we can forget it easily. We have to learn to let go of the hurts and pain. we can only learn through it with God. Only Him can bring us out of these hurts. These has definitly makes me stronger.

I dislike being in this state where my mind always drift away and being emo. I hate it. i hate crying about it and i just wish people will be a little bit more understanding. My dad told me i have to face the consequences and the responsibilty in this. Most importantly, he reminded me that i can't make a decision that pleases everybody. The world doesn't revolve around this and life still goes on. For him, i wish he is able to get out from the past, forgive me and move on. With sincerity i wish.

Blog?

I HATE reading blogs. I HATE writing blog even more.

The reason I'm creating this blog is for the sake of my dear English Literature teacher, Miss Siow Ye Leng . She wants us to create a blog. (If you're reading this miss Siow, you should be glad that I am doing it for you ^^ )

As a English Literature student, you should express yourself. That was what she said.

The other reason is that i don't have time to update my blog. I hardly online as well.

You don't have to update it everyday, you only have to update it once a week.She said.

And I can't seem to get the Html right. Call me computer illiterate or whatever. I just can't seem to get it.

But, I am impressed with people who has nice and interesting blog. Like Kenny Sia's and his oh-so-dramatic life. ( He's a very famous blogger in Malaysia.)

So here am I writing my first post. Well, that's life i guess. Ha-ha. Hope it isn't as sucky as i think.